you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
