Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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