Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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