I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
