i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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