Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
