I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
