plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
