and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
