I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
