I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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