On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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