I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
