READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
