Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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