my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
