mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
