Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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