i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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