tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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