There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
