I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
