So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
