I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
