I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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