...so i touched it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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