I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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