I want to have your abortion
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
