I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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