Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize