We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
