It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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