Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
