K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
