shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
