kristin has been a bad kristin
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
