If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
