South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
