4 words: hood of his car
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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