Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
