omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
