he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
