How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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