the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
