This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
