i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You pole danced in your parka.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
