the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
