watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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