You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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