at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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