Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you remember whose house we're in?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
