That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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