Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
