he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I want her autograph on my taint
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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