I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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