You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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