Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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