I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
