The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize