I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
