If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
