If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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