the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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