you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
