I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
