I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Jerry, you need to find god
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
