Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
