This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
