dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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