i may or may not be watching the land before time
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
