I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
