I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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