I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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