And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
