He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
