So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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