you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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