I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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