Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
