i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
