and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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